‘Created Noble’ is my 5th Baha’i-inspired, spiritually focused hip hop album, named after my first born son, Noble. The album focuses on nobility, fatherhood, and contributing to the betterment of the world.
Use the player below to stream “Ms. Carry” on this webpage:
Click the button below to download “Ms. Carry” to your computer or phone:
Below are a couple of quotes from the Baha’i Writings that inspired this song:
“Be not grieved and afflicted for this calamity which hath befallen thee; nay, rather, rejoice that God hath favored (thy babe) with His heavenly gifts. Truly, I say unto thee, wert thou informed of that felicity which thy babe hath attained in the worlds of God, thy breast would be dilated and thy soul would be purified. Truly, I say unto thee, thy child will be fostered from the breast of the gift of God in the Exalted Kingdom and will be nursed in the bosom of mercy in the Supreme World of God. Therefore, be filled with delight, for the favor of thy Lord is very great! I beg of God to pour on thee becoming patience, so that thy heart may be consoled with the fragrance of His mercy and that thy breast may be dilated with His favors, that thou mayest attain to the spiritual states which are lasting forever and ever. Thou oughtest to bear it with becoming patience. Again, thou oughtest to patiently bear this calamity which hath flowed thine eyes with tears and hath greatly afflicted thee.” – ‘Abdu’l-Bahá
This is a tough topic to address, but I’m trying to open up about it. Talk about it. Life has its ups and downs, you know. I’m just trying to find the beauty, trying to find the meaning in life’s tests and difficulties. They say suffering minus meaning equals despair. So I’m searching. Sometimes it can be challenging though. But I’m striving, trying my best. I pray that God can give me the vision. Give me clarity. That’s why I’m writing this letter….
Dear Ms. Carry…
I know your type,
we met once before, it
was a strange interaction, though I must admit,
Things didn’t quite feel right, your
Beautiful face passing, it was
Why’d you have to leave so soon?
Won’t you stay? You
know you’re welcome here. We’ve got room,
What do you say? Is it
something that you seldom hear? I’ve
heard you travel quite a bit, around town, That you’re
met with mixed emotions by
those who host you, Some feel
sad and depressed when you
come and go, Others helpless and confused, they don’t
know what to make of you when you say you want to move in then you
up and leave,
Was it an empty promise?
You said your plans changed but you
Guarantee you’ll see them later, then your gone, This
is how it goes, Sometimes they don’t even know that you stopped by,
Stepped up to the porch, but
then you changed your mind,
didn’t even knock,
I wonder why?
Then there’s times that you
weren’t even invited, but you
showed up anyways, Some
try to get used to you, others just… wish you would leave, And
when you do, they
feel a sense of relief,
The longer you stay the
stronger the attachment gets, I
guess that’s why the abandonment brings some so much… pain and anger,
The two times you came to visit me went so fast, You
still feel like a stranger,
Even though your family,
Are you a tragedy?
Are you a blessing?
Are you both?
message even worth addressing?
Most people act like you don’t exist, like you’re
Like the tooth fairy or the
Maybe I won’t feel the pain and sorrow if I
It’s probably for the best right?
And… yet, I still
feel the regret buried deep inside, When
someone looks me in the eye and asks,
“How many kids do you have?
Is this your only one?”
As they look down at my son,
eyes beaming, big smile…
in the flesh,
Cuz he was the lucky one,
Or is he?
he’ll have to suffer from all the tribulations, And
you get to escape them,
maybe it’s you who lucked out?
I don’t know,I just know I
can’t be mad or upset, You said that leaving wasn’t a choice, That
staying here in town just wasn’t meant to be,
You had another place to see,
A place more beautiful than I can imagine,
I just wish it could’ve waited,
it all just happened so fast and, The truth is that
no one’s ever seen where you go when you leave, And
even though I believe you when you say you’ll wait for me, you’ll
pray for me, I
still find it hard to stay connected,
The last letter I sent you said “I love you” and I meant it,
But I have to confess it feels like empty words,
Love is shown in deeds, But
when I asked you what you need, you said nothing,
That you’re free as a bird out of the cage,
But there must be something I can do,
I don’t mean to be a bother, But
even though you’re gone I’m
still your father.
A human being gets their soul at conception,
And your blessed the very moment you’re connected,
You’re a father or a mother to that child,
Even if their stay was just a few weeks, or days, or
just a blink,
It doesn’t matter how young
A miscarriage is still a birth, just with a different outcome…
Clearly, this is the heaviest song of this album. It’s probably the heaviest song I’ve ever written, as it is so deeply personal, and a topic that can be difficult to navigate. With that said, miscarriage is a topic that I yearn to see more openly discussed, which is why I felt so compelled to include this song on this album.
As you can glean from the lyrics of this song, as well as the opening track of the Created Noble album, my wife Mallory and I have experienced two miscarriages in our journey as parents. The first miscarriage occurred before Noble was born, and was an incredibly emotional experience. Mallory and I had been trying to conceive a child for over a year, without success. One evening, Mallory began experiencing severe pain, and I ended up taking her to the emergency room.
After the doctors ran some tests, we were shocked when we were asked if we knew Mallory was pregnant (which we did not). After some additional tests over the next few days, we learned that Mallory was experiencing an ectopic pregnancy, which is what caused the severe pain. In an ectopic pregnancy, the fertilized egg implants somewhere outside of the uterus, in Mallory’s case it implanted in her fallopian tube. This is extremely dangerous, as it can cause the fallopian tube to burst, which can cause internal bleeding, and even result in death. Sadly, even once an ectopic pregnancy is identified, there is no way to save the fertilized egg.
Thankfully, Mallory’s miscarriage did not lead to any severe injuries and passed naturally, which we were grateful for. We were also happy to learn that we had the capacity to conceive a child, as we were nearing the point where we would get some testing done to see if we had fertility issues. However, we were incredibly saddened that we were not able to have this fertilized grow into the child we were praying for.
As I share in the lyrics, this experience was a lot to process. I was left wondering… am I a father now? Do I have a responsibility to this unborn soul? If Mallory gets pregnant again, will this same thing happen? It was a very emotional period.
Thankfully, we were able to process the experience with our marriage counsellor, as well as close friends and family. We also had some “divine” type of experiences that let us know everything was going to be ok.
We ended up giving the name Jonathon to this first unborn soul, in order to give him a proper place in our family.
A few months after our first miscarriage, our son Noble was conceived. And praise God, it was a healthy pregnancy and brought this little beam of light into our life on November 3rd, 2017!
A couple of years later, in August 2019, Mallory experienced a 2nd ectopic pregnancy, resulting in miscarriage. Similar to the first miscarriage, this was an incredibly emotional experience. We gave this unborn soul the name August, in order that she would have a place in our family, as well.
It was after this second miscarriage that I turned to writing in order to process all of the thoughts and emotions I was experiencing. It ended up taking the form of a letter written to “Ms. Carry”, who symbolizes miscarriage. The song writing process was incredibly therapeutic for me. It also has provided me a channel to share about my experience, and hopefully encourage others who have experienced miscarriages to open up, as well.
As you can see in the video and image below, while my son Noble is the focal point of this album, I wanted to include all of my children in the imagery.
Noble is featured in the center of the album art. Jonathon is symbolized by the crown on Noble’s chest, as we feel he guided Noble’s soul to us. August is symbolized by the rain cloud, as the month of August is typically characterized by monsoon rain storms here in Phoenix, Arizona. Additionally, clouds are generally associated with feeling down, but also bring rain which leads to prosperity. Similarly, we felt a lot of sadness when we experienced miscarriage, however, when we reflect upon the beautiful world of light that these souls go to, it brings us feelings of joy.
And finally, our 2nd born son Justice is symbolized by the sun. He was not born when I wrote the songs for these albums, but he was on his way to rising, and now by the time of the release, he is shining brightly!! ☀️
👑 ➡️ Have you, or anyone you know, ever experienced a miscarriage? How do you think we can be more open about this topic and better connect with these unborn angels?